Some sad days!

I have not been a happy camper lately and there are many reasons for it....
I have my own set of problems for sure that I keep to myself and deal with, has nothing to do with my marriage  but only with my inner self...my insecurities..and self esteem. Joey trys to understand but not sure he does. 
         My children have their own set of problems but today I totally feel I wasn't outspoken enough in their lives . I feel should have given them more direction for their lives. Should have Would have as the saying goes. 
Sometimes I feel somewhat responsible. Why could I not have taught them more. Today I am thinking  if only!! 
Sometimes people say "Wow" so why did you have so many kids? I have been ask that so many times and always my answer is the same, didn't really think about it back then! Dad loves kids and was ok with having a houseful. I loved him and didn't really give it much thought. Many have said to me  "what were you thinking?"
         All I now know is that  I wanted them all to be happy and love life and be glad they were born!!
Perhaps I did fail at some things and maybe I should have given them all the tools to help them to make wiser choices.  Perhaps with no example to follow growing up I just didn't take much into my marriage.  My life as a child was not that great!  No regrets for having had my children....love each one!!  With 7 children I know it was hard at times to find that one on one time with them.  I know its important!   I see others spending that one on one time with their child and think Oh my! Then think did I give each of mine enough of my time??  Sure at the time I did but again maybe not!
 So my guilt is that perhaps I didn't do and give each child the time and personal attention they needed. Even so I feel they each came into this life with their own special personalities.
 When marriage problems or whatever  popped up it made me wonder and I would get a little depressed!    Did I really do the best I could?  In my heart I think to myself and the answer comes that I did the very best I knew how!!
                                                                                                                                           yes I did!